Five Kind Things You Can Say to a Child with Autism

I have written frequently about the day to day hardships parents of children with autism face but I have not shared the greatest moments we have experienced. Those are the moments when we find acceptance and love within our community. I would demand it for my son but that is not how love happens when you have a child with special needs. It seems you have to be verbally assaulted until the people around you form a shield to protect you from harsh opinions of those not enlightened. There have been some beautiful moments which I wish to share with you to try and show how attitudes can change by the simplest kindnesses.

1. “Hello”. When people actually greet my son and shake his hand it means so much to me. My sons is autistic and not always open to it but he is learning because people around him have accepted him. Men greet him and with a paternal “Hello” and either shake his hand or pat his back. The women say hello, go to him, and either shake his hand or down right give him a hug. For a child with autism this places a social expectation on him but he is adapting and healing from the love of the people who accept him. This I could not provide my son alone. It took many people of all religious, races and backgrounds who are enlightened to provide my child with this socialization. He also makes me go to this same coffee shop every single day because he now looks forward to meeting new people. He loves the social interaction which is one of the greatest challenges for children with Autism. If everyone could just accept children with autism and embrace them, as my son has been embraced, then I believe the impact of autism, atleast socially, would be significantly decreased. But we have taken a lot to get here. I have been told my son is damned by God and that is why he has Autism as well as I have been told I am a horrible person for not placing my son in an institution.

2. “Your child is very well behaved”. My son is exceptionally well behaved not only for a child with autism but for a child. I believe there is a higher social standard for behavior with children with labels on them. Again this acceptance didn’t come easily. I remember walking through the grocery store and at the check out line I was verbally accosted by store management claiming my child was not behaving. He had M & M’s while neuro-typical children were knocking down displays. I of course stood up for my child and spoke to the regional manager and made certain that never occurred again. But then when people notice how well behaved he is it fills my heart with love and appreciation for those who accept my son.

3. “Your son knows a lot.”. Since my son went through puberty he has become very protective of babies in the grocery store. This is especially true of newborn babies. There Moms have a tendency to leave the baby in the cart while they look through the produce. My son will insist on standing by these babies. Most of the time new Moms completely freak out and want the child with Autism away from their child as if it is contagious. I usually have to explain to the Mom he is standing guard over the baby for them so they don’t get upset. But one time the Mother recognized us. My son and I had been in the doctor’s office and I was quizzing him on all the bones of his body by the medical name. She came up to me and said, “It is okay. And I am amazed at how much your son knows. I don’t even know the official names of bones.” Again we found love and acceptance. That day whether I realize it or not we are making the argument for love and acceptance each and everyday. Love and acceptance happens through persuasion.

4. “See you later.” This is a really simple thing to say and to remember to say. It implies a continuation of the relationship which children with autism need. Children with autism need love and acceptance in society. How hard is it to say “See you later to a child?”.

5. “You have grown so much.” This is a generalization but children with autism often experience frustration because they feel unacknowledged for their successes including maturing. But anything you can say kind about a child with autism works here. “You have beautiful eyes.". It just has to be appropriate and kind. My son loves when someone notices something about him as he often feels shut out, ostracized, and not noticed. It is so simple to say something nice to a child especially a child with special needs.

These are just five simple examples of how you can brighten the day of a child with autism and help them socialize thus limiting the impact of their special needs. If love heals, which I believe it does, then we have the ability to heal each other with love, acceptance, and kindness.

Of course as I am trying to complete this article I am being called a b!tch in the middle of Starbucks by a customer who is telling me awful things about my son and no one in Starbucks is defending my son or me. I try to remember the sweet while I am getting verbally harassed by the bitter. I did call the police and they claimed Starbucks required us to leave or be arrested for trespassing. It is notable I called no one a profanity and only asked the ignorant woman to stay away but both I am my son were threatened with being arrested if we did not leave because he is disabled and that bothers some Starbucks customers. She was asked to leave as well but she was causing the disturbance.. It is both ironic and sad that I try to illustrate how love can help heal children with autism while hatred is spewed at us and we are dealing with discrimination by both the police and the corporation of Starbucks.

But this is what we endure every single day of our lives as we try and be positive and forge forward. And shame on the authorities and Starbucks.

Not only did we continue to go to Starbucks but we managed through patience and persistence to find acceptance for my son who has both Autism and a rare disorder. To date, my son is a gold card VIP member. We haven't been in Starbucks in the past couple of months because it has been too hot for coffee and we have been really busy with other projects. I am quite proud of my son, a civil rights leader for all children with Autism and other special needs. It was also quite heart warming that the staff accepted Alex despite certain individuals. It helped tremendously that the patrons of. Starbucks also spoke on our behalf. I might mention it didn't hurt my son when he meet Govenor Rick Scott at Starbucks either.

With patience and persistence all things are possible.